By Dr Attia Anwar
“No man is an island, entire of itself. Every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. Any man‘s death diminishes me because I am involved in mankind. Therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee”—-John Donne; an English poet
If we talk about the journey of growth or human maturity there are three levels. The first is dependent. When we are born we depend on others. And for many years, our life depends on others physically emotionally, and financially. Few people can be stuck on this stage for the whole of their life. Then people start relying on themselves for everything. That stage is independence. You feel good and you think you no longer need anybody and you are independent. But this feeling of ecstasy does not last long soon we realize that we need people in our life and we have to work with them to achieve our goals. That stage is interdependence.
We depend on our fellow humans and other natural resources for survival
We often think that a good life is something that is achieved at an individual level, as we alone can be responsible for our happiness and fulfillment in life. However philosophical wisdom and modern research indicate that we depend on many factors outside ourselves to live an enjoyable and meaningful life. When we talk about meaningful life our connectedness with others does not decrease the importance of our own mindset, thinking process, and actions. Rather it is an interplay of outside forces and how we react to them. And ultimately all the humans are in this life together. We depend on our fellow humans and other natural resources for survival. For a better life for everyone, we have to recognize and nourish this interconnectedness. The natural solution is to strengthen your connections with others. Research has proved that interconnectedness leads to longevity and reduces stress and anxiety. If you are in the company of uplifting people it will increase your wellbeing. It can start a cycle of well-being and spread like a viral infection.
We all are connected and dependent on each other as proved by scientific, religious, and native world views. If we extend love and kindness beyond our immediate relations and include all others in this compassion, we will experience a wider circle of connection and joy. We can extend this to all living and non-living things. All these things give us enrichment and meaning in our lives. We are filled with a sense of mindful presence and kinship that motivates us toward the right actions as we care for ourselves and the universe we are part of.
When we realize we need other people in life in a way that we don’t depend on them, but that is necessary for mutual growth. That is the final stage of awakening that we all are knit together. If we hurt others, we hurt ourselves if we help others we are helping ourselves. Our mindset changes from who has the most, will win. Who has more money will win. Who has more power will win. And life is a competition. We have to come out of this scarcity mentality that there is not enough for everybody. If someone is getting more it means we will get less. But this is not reality if we help each other instead of competing with each other we all will get more and the pie will become bigger.
I am very happy to live in this era where people are talking about this phenomenon. Many best-seller books are written on this subject which means people are conceiving this idea. As almost every bigger organization has realized if we create competition among employees. It will finally become a hindrance to the growth of an organization. Teamwork is more important than competition. Otherwise, people will start hindering other people’s work which is equally important for the organization. So the idea of giving promotions and the bonuses to best people in the company did not work. This is because instead of working together people start creating hindrances for others to show their efficiency.
Some people are talking about this as an evolutionary shift . We are moving from independence where everything is me, me, and me to interdependence. We appreciate the paramount importance of interdependence. Many of us have realized we are part of a family we are part of one web. If one thing happens in one corner of earth it will affect us all. Many people refused to follow the crowd and realized we were connected on a deeper level. Quantum physics has discovered that the universe is an interconnected system, where everything happens concerning others.
Whether we feel it profoundly or not we know from birth to death we are connected to people. Due to this connectedness with others, we make major decisions in life. Where we want to live, whom we want to work for, and who we choose to spend our whole life with depends upon human connections. Thinking of yourself as a part of a bigger thing does not diminish or take away your individuality. We sometimes feel if we have no strings attached, we are free to do whatever we like. Acknowledging the sense of dependence on the world gives us a new sense of freedom. It liberates us and makes us realize the truth that we cannot live without other people and things. Because the ability to do whatever we want with no strings attached is an illusion. However when we realize our dependence on others we do not lose our identity or self, instead we understand the new depths of ourselves. When we connect with humanity we understand that feelings of disappointment and pain are universal. We all feel inadequate whatever the circumstances are, whatever triggers may be, and whatever degree may be. Basic experience will remain the same for all humans. Every day we have the opportunity to influence the people. It depends on us whether we uplift them or demean them. Our behaviors can pull us toward or away from the people. Connecting with people and building strong meaningful relationships helps us to learn, change, and grow. If we find a connection between what we are doing and some bigger purpose, we can increase our well-being and live a more fulfilled and happier life.
“The wonders of the universe are revealed to us in the meditation on interdependence. We can see that for one thing to exist, everything else needs to exist.” Thich Nhat Hanh
The author Dr. Attia Anwar is a consultant family physician with a postgraduate degree from the Royal College of GP UK. She is a strong advocate of health and well-being and wants patient participation in decision-making regarding health.
