Dr. Attia Anwar
We tend to feel not being enough. It can be about anything like I am not cool enough, beautiful enough, and happy enough. I don’t have a perfect figure as compared to others of my age. Then there is another form of not being enough that I am not doing enough. I am not a good daughter, good wife, and good mother. I am not religious enough or virtuous etc. Mixing our perceived state of belonging and mattering alchemizes a sense of being good enough. So we feel accordingly like not good enough for this world not good enough for others, and not good enough for ourselves.
Some people say that the media shows us perfect jobs, perfect figures, perfect houses, and perfect grades. Maybe that is a little bit true. My point is that if you reflect with an open mind reflection is the art of being a better person. You will see after a little bit of focusing that life of people who seem perfect to us are not perfect at all. We will get the idea they are not happy all the time. Some of them are not at all happy and content. They are under constant pressure to maintain an image. They are humans with all flaws. They are individuals and we are individuals also, so there should be no comparison. Everyone is unique in their own way. So if we try to mimic them or feel guilty about what we are, we will be under constant stress. And will not be able to improve ourselves or grow as a person. If everyone around you seems more successful, popular, funny, intelligent, or attractive than you, then you have to re-evaluate your thinking. Otherwise, you will go into social isolation because other people’s confidence and success make you feel bad about yourself.
Another form of guilt is about not meeting the expectations of the people we love. The feeling of guilt produces toxic emotions of blaming yourself and blaming others. If you have done something wrong in your opinion. First, reflect on that, are your close people concerned about that or if it is only you. If it is something, again reflect on that, forgive yourself, learn, and be a better person. Otherwise, you will be in constant turmoil because of the simple fact that no amount of anxiety can change the future and no amount of guilt can change the past. Accept what is happening instead of desiring things to be different. Stopping obsessing over things that are out of our control and being in the present moment will help us and decrease our feelings of hurt. Our negative thoughts are based on feelings rather than real evidence. If we challenge our thoughts and try to find real reasons why do we feel not enough? We will realize that we are more capable than we think. Less comparison with others and focusing on our unique strengths and accomplishments will help us to get out of the trap.
We all may feel not enough sometimes due to a temporary situation. That is normal. But if these feelings continue for a long time, and they are at home in your soul, then they are not healthy. If the smallest criticism makes us feel terrible for days or being a perfectionist to a level that nothing is good enough means, that you are having a problem. Persistently doubting yourself or feeling that you are not adequate, can affect all parts of your life. Feeling less than others may overwhelm you, triggering abnormal behaviors or reactions. They can prevent you from having healthy relationships and progressing in your career and hinder your happiness.
Feeling like you are not good enough is a tough experience and it is something many people grapple with at different points of life. This feeling can stem from various sources like personal expectation, societal pressure, and comparison to others or experiences from the past. There can be many reasons behind your sense of not being enough and all of them are genuine. The way you were brought up and the way others treated you at a young age has a profound effect. As an adult, it is our responsibility to work on ourselves and get out of the trap. Ways to improve your self-worth again start with healthy lifestyle habits like good nutrition, good sleep, physical activity, and many more. Other things that can help are, investing time and energy in us, learning to love ourselves, and working towards our goals without hesitations. Write down the story you are telling yourself. Guilt functions to balance us or regulate us. But sometimes you try to use it to regulate things that are out of your control. Amend the story and try to find compassion for yourself. Give yourself a gift of forgiveness for you. We hurt people by mistake because we do not know the proper tools to deal with the situation. Unless we forgive ourselves we will not be able to accept forgiveness from others.
Remember feeling not enough does not define your worth but it is a mindset that can be addressed with little effort like time, self-reflection, and support. Self-compassion is an important thing to combat this. Being kind to yourself and challenging negative thoughts about yourself help restore your self-worth. Your expectations and your goals should be realistic. Instead of creating the whole thing at one time think about manageable small steps. Appreciate yourself for completing these small steps. Support from genuine people and a meaningful connection with them will restore your belief in yourself. Everyone has a gift, so focusing on your strengths instead of weakness is also important to be confident.
We do not have all the answers, we try to use our innate empathy, humanity, and kindness mixed with our experience and learning. In this way, we feel seen and less alone and a sense of being slightly enough comes.
The author Dr. Attia Anwar is a consultant family physician with a postgraduate degree from the Royal College of GP UK. She is a strong advocate of health and well-being and wants patient participation in decision-making regarding health.
