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Picture by Aneeq Zaman
Picture by Aneeq Zaman

 Asad Haroon

Welcome to Banistan my fellows!  I live in a country where everything that is meant to entertain you always get banned. We had a lot of examples in past regarding Government on Banning spree but now i came up with a hilarious act of Government as they banned IMDb 😀 oh wow 😀 see isn’t it Hilarious ?

   

When i woke up today i was in mood to watch some good random movie so i opened IMDb and i saw new edition of IMDB website .  I thought this is their  beta version  for Pakistan:D Let me give you a glimpse of it and any kind of feedback is welcomed.

This is the new Beta Version Of IMDb for Pakistan 

bannned

So far i haven’t read any official statement regarding the blocking of IMDb but many people across Pakistan are complaining  about it.  I had the same feeling when PTCL users weren’t able to open www.omegle.com a good wesbsite to kill time.

Now i got a feeling that Pakistani Government is trying their level best to eliminate all the means of Entertainment from our life and make us wild animals fighting with each other on the bases of religious sects. I said that just because we are left with nothing except sectarian violence , Taliban vs Army, Zero Tolerance, Radial Political Parties.

I think everyone who grew up in 90’s were lucky enough because we had all the means of enjoyment and entertainment. Sense of security, peace, tourism, Mela’s, Bassant, Concerts, travelling etc.  I happened to see a facebook page yesterday about growing up in 90’s and i would love to share few things about 90’s

90’s

• Your mornings started off with Mustansar Hussain Tarar (better known as Chacha Jee). There would be 5 minutes of exercise, 5 minutes of cartoons and then you had to go to school

• Evenings on STN/NTM were the highlight of your day

• You played Kings in school, the game where the first person to yell “Kings” would try to step on someones foot. Then that person would try to step on someone else’s foot and so on and forth

• Playground feminism took form in the shape of Queens (essentially the same thing as Kings) and Kish, that weird jumping game that involved two teams and a loop of elastic. The loop was usually made out of a few shalwars worth of elastic tied together, which you snuck secretly out of your house because your mothers would get sick of you wasting a perfectly good roll of elastic

• Aamir Zaki and Salman Ahmed were the coolest guitarists

• The Jetsons, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Captain Planet were all dubbed in Urdu

• Programming the VCR could only be done by us, since anyone older didn’t understand how to use it

• MCC (Music Channel Charts) and VJ (Video Junction) were the hottest shows on TV

• We only played cricket or football, depending on which World Cup was being played at the time

• You remember Shahbaz Ahmad, better known as “the man with the electric heels”, who led Pakistan to victory at the 1994 World Cup of Hockey

• The only coed sport that was ever played in school was Dodge Ball (or as we all called it “Dodge The Ball”) and girls were actually pretty good at it

• You played games like Dark Room, Tilo Express, Oonch Neech, Baraf Pani, Chor-Sipahi and Chupan Chupai

• Jansher Khan and Jehangir Khan = legends

• You decided conflicts not by Rock-Paper-Scissors but instead by Pugan-Pugaai, In Pin Safety Pin or Akar-Bakar-Bambay-Bo

• 5 words: Assoo-Panjoo-Haar-Kabootar-Doli

• Playing on the street was an actual activity (and a healthy one too). Sadly we were the last generation to hold this great tradition alive

• “Pehla blade karta hai chun, doosra chunn, teesra cha cha cha chein” means something to you

• “Backstreet’s Back”, “Get Down” and “Quit Playing Games With My Heart” were the first English songs you became madly obsessed with (surprisingly for the boys)

• We had the best team ever playing at the 1999 Cricket World Cup with Shoaib Akhtar, Wasim Akram and Waqar Younis bowling

• You were amazed when Pakistan qualified for the finals of the 99′ World Cup against Australia (but only for them to screw it up in the end)

• Even before the final against Australia was over, everyone was blaming Pakistan for match fixing and Saeed Anwar’s grip change

• Shahid Afridi was a “Laparoo” and a “Batta”

• Recording songs off the radio onto cassettes was the only way to “download music”

• You were suddenly informed that the letter ‘H’ was no longer pronounced as “ach” but rather “aitch”

• Anyone owning a real Barbie or Hot Wheels was a source of envy and admiration

• PTV’s “Travel Guide of Pakistan” made you fall madly in love with the Northern Areas (Gilgit-Baltistan)

• “Bil Patori Naasa Chori Aadhi Mithi Aadhi Kori I’m Sorry I’m Sorry” means something to you and so does “ZAAAAAYYYMEEENAAAA!” and “Mein Kon Hoon, Mein Kya Karoon, Mein Kiss Ko Khaaon” and “Ulloo Ulloo Hello, Ulloo Ulloo Hello”

• You wished you were either Imran or Moattar from Ainak Waala Jin

• You remember celebrating on the streets when Pakistan won the 1992 Cricket World Cup

• You went psycho when your parents bought you Super Nintendo and played games like Super Mario Brothers, Street Fighter and Mortal Combat

• You had nightmares about Bil Patori and Haamoon Jadoogar

• Transformers, Scooby Doo, Tom & Jerry, Popeyes and G.I.JOE. means something to you

• You drank Frost Juice with Super Crisps and when you were finished, you would chuck the juice box on the floor and jump on it to scare everybody – mostly the girls

• You saw Saqlain Mushtaq’s doosra and went… (*o*)

• Your favourite chocolate bar was “Jubilee” and “Panda” was your favourite ice cream

• Pepsi was Rs.6

• You remember the movie Titanic being released and how the song “My heart will go on” by Celine Dion became a cult hit (and still is!)

• Idiot, Shut Up or Badtameez was your first cuss word

• There was never a line at the canteen – instead everyone drove the canteen wala mad by screaming at the top of their lungs

• Vital Signs made “Dhundle Raste” and Junoon made “Talaash”

• You were cool if you could finish a whole pack of Crunchies or Slanties without showing any signs of weakness, including drinking water afterwards

• You picked out only the chips from your mom’s Nimco

• “Puraani Jeans” by Ali Haider is still an awesome song

• You remember the invention of online chatrooms, and thought it was the most coolest thing ever (remember mIRC?)

• You remember when Pizza Hut, McDonalds and KFC opened in Pakistan and would dress up extra nice to go eat there

• You remember RC Cola and how no one liked it

• It was taboo for guys to drink Miranda or Fanta because it was a “girls drink”

• 28 May 1998, a day forever etched into our memories – thank you Dr. Abdul Qadeer Khan you’ll always be our hero

• You idolized Imran Khan even though he was retired when you were 2 or 3, and wiped your face with your Pepsi bottle or Frost Juice because he did it in that commercial

• Wasim Akram’s famous commercial “mein cigarette nahi peeta” made half your generation vow to never smoke

• Getting Rs.50 Eidi meant you were rich

• If you were ever late to class, you had to ask your professor “Maam/Sir may I come in?” before entering the class – then you had to stand up and answer questions during the entire lecture

• Cordless phones were the coolest things

• You went crazy when your dad bought his first ever mobile, and you wouldn’t shut up about it to your friends

• You carried around a cordless phone in your bag or pocket pretending it was a mobile phone, because heck, they both looked the same back then didn’t they?

• You loved eating TOP POPS

• Sitara aur Mehrunissa, Marvi, Guest House, Kashkol and Chand Ghiran mean something to you

• “Bakra Qistoun Par” was your favourite stage show

• You grew up watching wrestlers like Bret Hart, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Shawn Michaels, Hulk Hogan and The Ultimate Warrior (Cena Sucks!)

• You also remember the WWF and it being interesting to watch (it’s called WWE now and it sucks)

• Playing Street Cricket had such simple rules…ghar mein janey ka out…aur jo maarey ga, woh ley kar aye ga

• You begged your parents for a walkman and bought tapes of Junaid Jamshed, or if you were really cool then Junoon!

• You remember Fakhr-e-Alam hosting “Top Ten” and his “Bhangra Rap” was always #1

• #2 was “Jaadoo Ka Charagh” by Awaz, #3 was “Dohlna” by Shehzad Roy, #4 was “Mann De Moaj” by Hadiqa Kiani (the only cool female singer in Pakistan) and that was her only song for a long time, until she sang “Dupatta Mera Malmal Ka”

• You were really sad when Awaz split up – then later you took sides between Haroon and Faakhir, and if you liked one you had to hate the other

• You remember celebrating when they changed the weekends to Saturday & Sunday because it meant Friday was a half day

• You remember crying if you were older because your school would make you come on Saturday for a full day anyways

• You played with Atari or SEGA Mega Drive (and later on probably got SEGA Genesis)

• You loved watching Elf, Family Matters, Thunder Cats, Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Camp Candy and wanted to be like him

• Automan, Flash and Manimal all mean something to you

• You remember the Nintendo game “Duck Hunt” where you had to shoot ducks with an actual gun-shaped joystick and thought it was the most amazing thing ever

• You remember the game against India where Shoaib Akthar almost killed Saurav Ganguly

• These songs are apart of your “top ten 80s & 90s hits”: “Disco Deewane” by Nazia Hassan, “Huwa Huwa” by Hasan Jahangir, “Billo De Ghar” by Abrar ul Haq, “Aye Jawan” by Awaz, “Jazba-e-Junoon” by Junoon, “Jugni” by Saleem Javed, “Duur” by Strings and “Dil Dil Pakistan” by Vital Signs

• Your life was never the same again when your first Windows 95 was set up in your house

• You had to type “WIN” in DOS to start your Windows 3.1

• You played Dave 1 and thought level three was the hardest thing in the world – then you upgraded to Lion King (probably from a Power Games CD bought out in the street)

• Dhuwan, Aashiyana, Dhoop Kineray and Sunharay Din mean something to you

• Setting up your satellite or antenna was actually much tougher than it looked

• You shafted Polka Ice Cream when Walls became popular and yes – admit it, you used to wait for the Ice Cream wala in the afternoon and bought Paddle Pops from him

• You remember Shahid Afridi’s World Record Century off just 37 balls

• Walls wasn’t as good as the Challi wala (and there were rumors that people loved them so much because there was chars in the masala)

• Crinkle Chips, Mitchell’s Toffee and Churan Chatni mean something to you

• The boys watched Captain Majid (some daring girls did too) and the girls watched Jem (so did some guys for that matter, and hid their interest under the pretext of making fun of their sisters)

• Cartoon Network showed good stuff like Johnny Bravo and Johnny Quest before crap like Cow and Chicken ruined everything

• Piano Crystal, Piano Stick and Temp Markers (Blue & Black only) all mean something to you

• You remember those Maggi trucks that used to roam around the streets and give away free Maggi noodles to kids

• Pakola was awesome

• You still remember the sound of a dotmatrix printer

• You had Kutti (pinkie finger) with your enemies and Sulli (index+middle finger) with your friends

• Our idols were either the guys from Alpha Bravo Charlie or the guys from Teen Bata Teen

• It’s copy, rubber and dustbin – or rather “duss-bin” while desk was once “dex”

• Your childhood was over when they forced you to stop using pencils and made you use fountain pens – and you always made a mess filling the ink

• You wanted to be on the shows Crystal Maze and The Legends of the Hidden Temple

• The coolest clapping games were Cham Cham Cham, O Pillar and Zig Zag Zoo

• You were at the top of the food chain if you were made monitor (and you very easily abused that power too, by chucking chalk and dusters at people)

• Sit, Stand, Murghi and sitting in the “Bad Kid Section” was the usual punishment if you misbehaved in school – and the good girls would sit with the bad boys in a vain attempt to civilize them

After reading this yesterday a question popped out of  my brain; I had all of it when i was growing up but what about the children today? what they have except violence ? and still Government is busy spoiling their quality time on internet!

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