Latest telephonic conversation between Obama and Putin over Ukraine issue
There is no new telephonic conversation between US President Obama and Russian President Putin and all this text is funny, fictitious and just for fun:
This text is fiction and is used solely for amusement, although some points in this interview are food for thought. Here is text:
The phone rings …
Putin: Yes?
Obama: Vlado, you have to stop immediately! …
Putin: Why?
Obama: Because it’s bad as anything like that before God you can afford?
Putin: But calm, you know that every great statesman has some foibles … and how did you even find out?
Obama: Why, because I now had to sit two hours in the Pentagon and listen to their analysis of situations and scenarios, and then to me that everyone asked at the press conference.
Putin: (nervous): Uh … What am I talking about?
Obama: O yours unprecedented occupation of an independent state.
Putin: (with relief in his voice): Oh, that ..
Obama: I’m feeling a fool, I had no idea where it actually is … where is it?
Putin: Where is it? Ukraine?
Obama: Ukraine, but I know that is almost in Europe. But where is the Crimea?
Putin: In Russia!
Obama: (in the background rustling paper) I read here that it is an autonomous part of Ukraine and that you are there with the army raided.
Putin: This is just a local militia, my army did not exceed the boundaries of Sevastopol.
Obama: Jáky pool? You guys are playing pool?
Putin: No, pool, pol … just polis as a city where we have troops and ships.
Obama: Wait, you guys already have a base? So why is it occupy?
Putin: As the Nazis, fascists and other far-right destructive elements in the new self-proclaimed government want to close it.
Obama: You mean the peaceful protesters longing for freedom, democracy and human rights?
Putin: Yeah, they are.
Obama: Aha … but hey this is how it does not. In Soviet times, at least you had the decency to let us know about the invasion gave advance … and I could prepare arguments as to why nothing we can do.
Putin: Like nothing we can do.
Obama: How can you not? This is a clear and concise violation of all international law!
Putin: I’m not arguing, it’s you experts.
Obama: But really, Vlado … this is how it simply can not do.
Putin: Do you think that here there was first the Blitz, all infrastructure, and then offer them favorable loans and let them pay for Russian companies to fix it?
Obama: That too … but mostly we’re about to say in time, now we look like idiots. And what about Europe. Poor Ashton.
Putin: This is again one?
Followed by a longer delay … accompanied by the rustling of paper on both sides …
Obama: Hey, it is said to someone as a European foreign minister.
Putin (surprised): Europe has its own State Department? And what’s wrong with her?
Obama: She had a nervous breakdown. She came to the poor … (rustling paper) Kiev to take a picture with the new democratic and pro-European government suddenly surrounded by fanatics and everyone asked her how the European Union will defend the territorial integrity of Ukraine against Russian aggression …
Putin (smugly): bland.
Obama: But I know, too …. but she just did not expect a nervous breakdown … are with her doctors. He said still looking at her cell phone and everyone is asking what number is Winston Churchill.
Putin: And you told her doctor?
Obama: No, the guys from NSA.
Putin: If you have any recordings, so we let it in Sochi GE Eight, so let’s also a little funny.
Obama: Well, we probably will not go there.
Putin: Why?
Obama: ‘Cause you’re the aggressor, tyrant and dictator.
Putin: So what?
Obama: And nothing … just … somehow we have to protest, you know, right?
Putin: Yes. But if you enjoy it …
Obama: Hey, what if we were to impose any penalties you?
Putin: Well, it depends what.
Obama: We can cancel your cooperation with NATO.
Putin: You mean that I should close the corridor to Afghanistan?
Obama: Well, no … but nothing I could … (more rustling paper) … I could say let approve a law and deliver to Europe … that shale gas.
Putin: That would be … just please do not approve of, than finish pipeline to China.
Obama: Sure … but I would say you could freeze some possessions you have with us.
Putin: And I could go from dollars to some other currency.
Obama: Now you’re lying … you know how long would it be before you pushed this?
Putin: Three days max … me approve all government and parliament.
Obama: Son of a bitch … You know how you sometimes envy?
Putin: I know.
Obama: Hey, but we just have those sanctions we have to accept it … then I tell someone from an economic matter to discuss with you before.
Putin: So, as always.
Obama: Exactly. But what about Crimea? We simply can not recognize, it can not want for us.
Putin: So nothing worries, we already there and we’re not going anywhere.
Obama: Do you like the in Georgia?
Putin: Exactly.
Obama: That would work. But before you do not want there to forge a referendum like that with you guys agree?
Putin: And then you recognize it?
Obama: Of course not … but it would look a little better, I will explain to them that the guarantee of territorial integrity are just unlucky … you know how it’s awkward?
Putin: Yes. But if it makes you happy so there is a referendum’ll do.
Obama: Thanks to the government. Hey, if you want help with that, we have a great PR firm that focuses on politics and they’ll do super campaign for quite a lost cause. Elections in the Republic .. Havel had ended, so hopefully they have time.
Putin: Thank you, but I think it will be necessary to pass anyway.
Obama: Like I told you by themselves? How is it you want to talk?
Putin: Have you ever been in Ukraine?
Obama: Hm .. true.
Putin: And the eight Ge really not coming?
Obama: Well probably not, see you in a year, until it subsides.
Putin: Well, if that’s all …
Obama: Oh wait, I got an email from Kerry wants to borrow cheaply Ukraine some eleven billion U.S. dollars on crappy interest … Do you mind?
Putin: Not at all, at least pay what he owes for gas.
Obama: OK, so a year …
Putin: Ok.
Obama: Ok then bye talk to you again
Putin: Bye take care
