If you haven’t spent the last few weeks under a rock, chances are that you might have heard about Uber’s launch in this dear country of ours we know and loves as Pakistan. This undoubtedly was a great achievement and the creation of another source of transportation for some and was highly appreciated. However, this didn’t stop us from doing what we do best: “looking at the negative side of Uber rides”. Yep, just like always we couldn’t really sit back and not publish long lists or statuses that made Uber sound nothing short of a taxi ride to hell because hey, it’s the Pakstani-sh cool thing to do.
Now, I know you might have read some of those lists and while some were meant in jest the level of humor the writers employed to get their points across was more than infuriating. Yea, we are a country who takes pride in the fact that we can steal ATMs by pulling them from the walls or talk about billion dollar corruptions like nobody’s business but still to go as far as to repeat the basic lessons of public transportation to people just for a couple of clicks is just cheap. Heck, for one thing I am with these anti Uber people as because of this who else will ride in the loud coffin of an ear martyr vehicle commonly known as a rickshaw? Don’t they know that we would rather trust an unknown rickshaw driver rather than a driver who was somewhat vetted by a large Zionist (who knows, but hey we will call them that soon enough anyway) corporation? FIGHT THE POWER OF THESE KAFIRS! But on the other hand if you need to be told that you shouldn’t really give out your real phone number as a girl in our sex hungry society or not to take candy from a stranger while sharing a car ride with them then quite honestly, I really think you need adult supervision to go out.
Yea, I know I may be taking this whole thing on a far more serious note than the writer intended but good God, I am just freaking tired of these pseudo experts who are quick to point out the worst in almost anything. Oh and before you think I am pointing any fingers, all of this is coming from a guy who would not even go as far as calling a glass half full or empty but rather question the motive behind being offered a drink of water to begin with. So yea, in protest of all those lists I am going to publish my own list on how to take an Uber ride.
Learn how to function as an Adult.
Expect the fact that the roads will be cluttered with idiots who don’t know how to drive.
Know you are in Pakistan, a country which has a very high crime rate.
Do not eat candy from a stranger no matter how good they say it is.
Do not lick the seats of the car.
Do not wipe your boogers/chewing gums/snot etc. off the back seats of the car, have some decency for the next passenger.
Don’t smoke candies or take any drugs before taking an Uber ride with someone you don’t know.
Lastly: Stop showing off as if you’re the long lost brother of Richie Rich.